Honor Your Mother
Text: Ephesians 5:25-33
Pastor James Sheldon
May 10, 2009
Mothers are special in God's eyes. Although Mother's Day is not a holiday anywhere in the Bible, the idea comes directly from the Bible. Every one of us here knows the commandment "Honor thy father and thy mother."
Some mothers inspire awe and wonder. Like the police recruit was who asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" he answered, "Call for backup." Being a mother is challenging! One saying goes "Motherhood is full of frustrations and challenges -- but, eventually they move out." But in every case, mothers are important in God's eyes.
Yet society often works against honoring mothers. Here are a few sobering statistics:
1. Over half of the mothers in our country have to work full time. 2. Almost half of the households in our country are headed by the mothers. 3. Only 12% of our nation's homes are made up of the traditional mother, father and children set.
This means that mom's roles often get blurred. Christian family expert, Dr. James Dobson, tells this story: A little boy and little girl at the playground were trying to decide what game to play. The boy said, "Hey! Let's play baseball." The girl said, "Oh, no! I don't want baseball. That's a boy's game. It's not feminine to run around in a dusty lot. "
The little boy tried again, "Ok, then let's play football!" The little girl answered, "No! Football is even less feminine. You fall and get dirty. That's not for girls."
So the boy said, "Then I will race you to the corner!" The girl quickly replied, "No, girls play quiet games. We don't run and get sweaty."
The boy scratched his head, trying to come up with something that would work. Finally he said, "Ok, then let's play house." And the girl answered, "Good! I'll be the daddy!"
To avoid this kind of confusion, let's go to God's word to clarify our view of mothers. Here in Ephesians there is a command for Christian wives to have a right attitude towards theirs husbands. And then we read about the attitude we should have towards wives and mothers.
By the way, I put wives and mothers together, because the main role of a wife in the Biblical time was to be with a husband, and be the mother of his children. She is his partner and best friend too, yes. But one main role of a woman married to a man who is being the mother of their children. (Must she have children? That is another question.]
For all families, God says three things about wives and mothers. FIRST, a mother's role is no better or worse than a father's. But it is different! Mom's role has real DIGNITY.
SECOND, the role of the mother is not the opposite of the father; it is complementary. The husband and wife perform a DUET. They complete each other. I'll explain in a moment.
And THIRD, the role of the mother is DYNAMIC. Without the right kind of Mom, families will get confused and often fall apart. Moms, you are essential. As the expression goes, "The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." DYNAMIC
All of these statements are rooted in God's commandment: "Honor they father and thy mother." We only have Mother's Day once a year, but God insists that we honor moms all the time. When people look at you, let them say under their breath, "That person must have had a good mom in raising them."
Right off, it's true that moms have to work under lots of different conditions. Sometimes there's a healthy family --where all the parts fit: mom, dad, kids and maybe even other family members. Some families in our church will get together and honor mothers in that kind of family. It's such a joy when this happens!
After all Jesus himself had such a family. His father provided for him and his brothers. Then his mother nurtured him and cared for him from the diapers on up. She walked through life with him, and so at the cross he honored her, making sure that she would be cared for by the disciple John. Oh, if only more families were so caring!
Today many families are fragmented. The pieces don't fit as well. And in such a family, typically mom gets a heavy load. Her God-honored role gets pushed aside or even lost. Christ himself would not have allowed this in his family.
There are families where this happens--where there tensions and even tears for Mom. When we hurt mom, we eventually hurt the family.
Then again, there are families whose members say, "I never knew my mother." That can happen if mom has to work long hours just to get food and clothes for her kids. Or maybe mom herself never had her own mother to teach her how to really be a mother. It can be hard to honor as a mother someone who just doesn't know how to be one!
But even in every case, Christians can work to honor mothers. Here is how: The church families --and the church family-- can be the needed models. If a person has no family or doesn't know what one really looks like, they can't learn that from some textbook.
So let the Christian families show how it can work. Let the church rejoice in being God's own family! Furthermore, we should honor mothers by speaking out against social wrongs that tear families apart and degrade mothers.
I especially want to speak to fathers and husbands, calling them to honor the mother of their children. I would ask every father, "Are your lifestyle and your values bringing honor to your wife and your family?" Ephesians 5 strong words give the command: "Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." Paul adds, "Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies." That is a clear call, dads...husbands.
Now that having said all this, let me point out three precious truths about mother. The truths come from God's word in Paul's letter to the Ephesians. Here they are.
I. First, mothers are different--with Dignity.
Thank the Lord that he makes each more special. Paul says here that Christ made the church holy as his bride. The church is unique and precious and special in God's eyes. A wife and mother in God's eyes is holy and special. She is different from any other member of the family.
For one, mother is actually wired differently. Did you know that if a woman is stuck behind an unmoving car, she is less likely to blow her horn than a man? That is different. Women are shown to be faster and more accurate when it comes to manual dexterity, such as being a neuro-surgeon or a typist. They also tend to be more musical; the ratio there is almost 8 to 1!
And here is one that will make a few heads nod. Men are less likely to ask for directions when they get lost. Amen?
Yet we live in a society that has tried hard to blur the differences between fathers and mothers. Remember the movie, "Three men and a baby"? In the movie a baby was left at the door of three jet-set bachelors, who frantically tried to learn how to care for it. The humor of the movie lies in the fact that roles of fathers and mothers are different. God designed it that way!
Believe it or not, things work better if you allow them to work as they were designed. There is a good bit of overlap in what mothers and fathers can do, but there is still a special role for each. Throughout the Bible, fathers are providers. They give, often sacrificially, for their families. Then the wives are the ones set for taking care of the family's possessions. Just read the last chapter of Proverbs to see this. Both are important roles. Both are precious. And both roles are different.
That's why I said Moms have difference with DIGNITY. Too many mothers are pressured into doing things and playing wrong roles, because they don't realize God himself gives them dignity as women and mothers. Society can pressure them into positions that have little dignity. The Christian mother who lets go of worldly pressures, and does what she must for her children in the eyes of god has wonderful peace. And she is worthy of praise.
There are women in this church who have this holy character. Let us praise them and emulate them. Thank God for placing his DIGNITY in them for us to see.
So first and foremost be assured that mother's have difference with dignity.
II. Now secondly, Mom's special relation with her family is what we would call complementary.
Don't confuse this word, spelled with an "e" in the middle, with a similar word, that has an "i" in the middle. The "i" word "complimentary" means something that is given as a free sample. But here "complementary" has an "e" in the middle it comes from the word "complete," and means, "to fill out or make complete." If two things are complementary, then together, they make something whole & complete: Complementary.
Realize this: God made the husband and wife to be a DUET. When two instruments playing a duet, they play different notes, and those notes harmonize. They make song especially beautiful. God intends Mom's role to be a "duet with dad."
That is to say a wife-mom fills in what the husband needs to be complete. The home and family need mom there, playing her important part. A wife and the husband need to harmonize and complete each other.
Paul in Scripture describes the duet this way: "Christ loved the church and gave himself to her, to make her holy ..." Someone holy is complete and right in the eyes of God! A husband and wife make each other complete and right, a complementary, Godly duet.
Again this duet is often forgotten or ignored in society. Mother's Day is just a one-day exchange of a few hallmark cards. The rest of the time Mom is just there--usually.
But God designed this system to really work well --as long as we use it right! Our society seems to have forgotten this. Some real damage is done when mothers are not cheered on to be mothers. You see it happening all the time: For example some moms feel they have to work to survive. (Problems in society often are at the root there.) Again, some Moms must work overtime in order to keep up with the Jones's. So Mom ends up losing her real, complementary role. To it another way, Mom starts singing difficult solos instead of a beautiful duet.
Most often, when Mom is force outside, parents get separated from children. Some kids end up in daycare, where they get to know the workers better than their own parents! How are they going to grow up and "honor their father and their mother"? They can't really honor what they don't know.
To counteract this, do this: Be intentional in helping children honor a mother. The world competes with mom. God, on the other hand, wants moms and dads not to be competing but completing! That's the root of the word complementary. Moms complete a family. Moms and dads go together. Encourage mom to take her role as a mom.
So Mom's real role is to be a complementary one.
Finally, there is one more truth to keep in mind about mothers. I've said two things so far: First, mom is different and unique. Mothers are mothers. That's the way God made them.
Second, a mother's role is different, but important. So mom, play Duet with dad. The pieces are meant to fit together. Mom is complementary.
3. Now third, in God's eyes mothers are DYNAMIC. Her presence makes a real difference in how things work for the family. This is really precious for God's people.
Paul said that Christ gave himself in purest, deepest love to his wife, the church. He says that in a like manner, a man leaves his father and mother. The man is united with his wife. She is a dynamic help for him and he for her. He should give her highest priority.
Why? Because the husband needs his wife in order to express his own, full worth and identity. A husband will honor his wife if he says, "I need you, to be fully me."
Yes, that takes a bit of humility. It's one of the reasons why many marriages have problems. The husband admit his need for his wife. A family is not really a full family without a real mom there. Children, do the same thing for mothers as dad does. Tell her she is precious. Go to mom and let her know how much you honor her and are thankful for her.
God says, "Honor your mother...." So husbands, be willing to admit how your wife meets your needs. That means all of us should thank God for wives and mothers. Never take a good mother or wife for granted.
Also, do this: Honor any woman who has been like a mother to you. That often happens. Think of a grandmother, an aunt, a lady in this church, and so on. They all are precious mothers to us. Honor those who are mothers or serving as mothers.
To do so today, I would ask you to do two, simple things: Of course show your appreciation to your own mother and the mothers in your own family. Honor them all the time. Then also honor and encourage anyone who is trying to be a Christian mother. Lift that mother up. Pray for her, support her, encourage her and honor her in public. Jesus did, Paul did and so should we.
Now as we close with prayer this morning, May I ask the mothers here to stand up (if you can) and let us bless you, pray for you and honor?